Segregating the gays from the straights

A friend of mine asked me this today on facebook regarding the recent decisions about Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT).

What is your take on the talk about the whole "thorny issues" coming up since the DADT....like talk of segregating gays from straights in bunks/showers??? WTF? This is going to get way worse before it gets better. How do we stop this?

I quickly shot off an answer:

Wow, deep question. I think it's healthy to have "talks" about how to handle those issues. I try to think about what it would be like if I were straight. I mean, it is one thing to accept, respect and promote equality. It's a whole other thing when you're naked in the showers with one another. Most guys don't want other guys seeing their 'junk' gay or not. I can agree with showers having partitions between the shower heads that only makes sense, even now. But sleeping quarters? not needed. You don't sleep naked or anything.

 The truth is, before I was asked, I really hadn't given it much thought. I always assume that people are going to argue their point, express what they believe and so on. Why not? This is America, this is what our soldiers fight for, right?

So, do these discussions really matter?

Of course they do. It's a given that a lot of dumb things will be said here and there out of ignorance, fear or political agenda. We need to hear it. We need to know what they are saying and thinking so that we can fully arm ourselves against these sorts of blanket allegations.

Yes, they are slandering our community. They are making it sound like all that we do is look at the straight ones in the shower and maybe we'd rape them and all of that craziness. Because, as we all know, there aren't any gay folks in the military right now!

Do we need to shut these people up? No, not really. Not at all. Engage them in conversation, explain things on their level.

Here's my take on the whole thing.

How can you segregate gays in a way that makes sense? The reason, presumably, that men and women are segregated in the military is that they don't want to put people in the same area as potential 'mates'. So, if we put only gays with one another and only lesbians with one another what then do you think is supposed to happen? Now, as a man, I would be in a whole barracks full of other gay men. These would be, for the sake of this argument, my potential mates.

I haven't even yet skirted on what is the true heart of the matter. When I was in the Army, my unit and I formed a bond. We worked together daily as a unit, as a family. Our bond was like a sibling-hood.

I remember once having a friend in the unit (married straight guy) approach me wanting some 'friend sex'. I don't know, the whole thing really irked me a bit. I mean, he was handsome and a really nice guy, certainly someone under other circumstances I might have considered dating. But then and there? He was like family to me. To have allowed it to escalate to anything beyond our unit bond would have been deplorable on my part.

So the question is, what will happen when gays are allowed to serve in the military? The answer is simple, everything will remain the same except that our LGBT folks who are serving now will not be kicked out simply because of who they love.

If it will make you feel safe, by all means, put up partitions in the showers (that should have been done a long time ago anyway) but there's really no need at all to segregate us into different barracks. That makes as much sense as saying that a brother and a sister shouldn't live in the same house together.

Well, that's my two cents on the matter, love it or leave it.

Until next time, I'm OUT!

Joe Solmonese - HRC

In the news:

"We are on the brink of historic action to both strengthen our military and respect the service of lesbian and gay troops,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “Today’s announcement paves the path to fulfill the President’s call to end ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ this year and puts us one step closer to removing this stain from the laws of our nation." “Without a repeal vote by Congress this year, the Pentagon’s hands are tied and the armed forces will be forced to continue adhering to the discriminatory ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ law,” said Solmonese. “A solution has emerged: Congress needs to vote to repeal ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ now.”

The only problem with this, Joe, is that they voted now to possibly, maybe repeal it if the military can finish a study within the year and come up with a plan of action for integration.

All the military has to do is fail in completing one or the other.

So again, Obama left his balls along with his backbone at home in his dresser. Congress shit out some patronizing piece of garbage and you opened your mouth up wide and swallowed the whole load!

And these are our GLBT leaders fighting for our rights! If those soldiers you just compromised did their job the way that you do yours, we would have been colonized by the Middle East by now!

I grant you, Joe, you are not all powerful and you can't do it all. But then you release shit like this in support of a compromise? Come on, you're supposed to be OUR mouth piece not theirs.

We are screaming for repeal now, not repeal maybe later if you happen to feel like it. You should be echoing the same!

I was literally moved to tears

This afternoon:

I tend to think of myself as a fairly level headed kind of guy. I have feelings and passion but, I am rarely (if ever) moved to tears. This afternoon I posted a picture that truly did move me to tears. Even as I type this now I find myself welling up a bit.

The events of the last few months surrounding "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and an all inclusive Employee Non Discrimination Act. Couple these with gay marriage issues. All of these hit home and they hit home hard. I am moved, not by the struggle itself but, by the overwhelming support that I have from friends, family and yes even co-workers.

A co-worker who has no vested interest at all in either of these struggles and a male co-worker at that. How awesome and powerful this world is that we have people like this. Somehow gives me hope in our future.

The picture:

This picture was certainly worth a billion words. I imagined it being a high school function. The power behind what our youth are doing strikes a nerve.

This image speaks to the very heart of the matter. If it weren't for the fact that there is bigotry in our schools, families, churches and in our own government there would be no need for these demonstrations.

The thought moved me so much that I had to write about it. I was not at a computer and doing the research on my iPhone was proving to be a difficult task so, I put out a call to my friends and fans in that post, on twitter and on facebook.

The outpouring of people who rushed to help find the information was absolutely amazing. It spoke to the fact that I was not the only one moved by this photo. Jay (http://www.jaysays.com/) also took on the search. His followers helped to find out where it really came from. And so the information trickled back to me.

And now I know where it really came from.

On April 16, 2010 at World's Fair Park in Knoxville, TN these K-12 students gathered for an annual event called "Breaking the Silence". The earliest post of this picture (with comments) is located on flicker at http://www.flickr.com/photos/75001512@N00/4550427537

There is hope for us yet!

until next time, I'm OUT!

Life is Random

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Completely Random:

Seriously, as much I think I plan for everything, pretty much randomness ensues. I wonder sometimes how it has been this way but still turned out so well. I am fairly calculating in my actions. I weigh the pros and cons of any drastic action that I feel I need to take, and decide from there. But still, randomness!

The funny thing is, it always seems to work out to my advantage. Don't get me wrong here you've been reading my blog, you know that I've gone through some stuff but, ultimately, everything seems to work itself out. Well, maybe it's more that I find a way to make it work out, the jury is still out on that.

Case and Point:

I am changing the names here, except that Chris's name is actually Chris, the rest of these are too easy to google who they are and I really don't want to invade their privacy, so they all get fake names :-)

After Chris broke up with me (back at FT Hood), I met someone new (Ramon) and we started dating. He happened to be the chief of police of a random small town around Hood.

Ramon lived in Austin officially but kept an apartment near by during the week. He also happened to be an ordained priest of a branch off of Catholicism that is gay affirming.

Through Ramon, I met Drew, an ex priest of the Roman Catholic faith turned realtor. I met Drew only two or three times during the 2 years that Ramon and I were together.

I moved to Austin with Ramon when I got out of the Army. About 6 months after Ramon broke up with me, I started dating a guy named Daryl.

I saw an ad online for a freelance web developer spot. I knew how to build web sites, so I posted for the position.

It just so happened that Drew was the one hiring for it.

Though I didn't know it before this, Daryl was friends with Drew.

When Daryl broke up with me (after 4 years), I broke off contact with most of my gay friends, well, most of my friends in general. I just needed to sit back and rethink my circle of friends.

I still worked for Drew who, if you haven't guessed by now is also gay. Randomly one night, he said "hey, let's all go to Hooters for wings". As a joke we decided it would be fun to go.

I don't know if he knew it or not, but it happened to be the night of Gorilla Queer Bar (GQB) and the chosen destination that night was Hooters. Kind of random hey?

And so the next chapter in my life begins. Hooters is where I met my current partner.

This random chain of events filled with horrible break ups that all left me devastated and in some cases homeless and sleeping on the couches of friends, the horrible treatment from the Army, the bouncing from job to job put me on the path to meet my now and forever love.

If it weren't for all of these absolutely random events in my life, meeting these random people and riding the wave out, there is no possible way that I would ever have been in the place that I am now.

Completely happy. Completely in love. Completely me.

Kind of gives new meaning to the the Rascal Flatts song "God blessed the broken road, that lead me straight to you".

Ah, life! Gotta Love it!

Until next time, I'm still OUT!