I haven't talked much about the Giffords situation. I find the media jumps too quickly to speculate before we get the real facts. Regardless of that, we've seen a lot in the media pointing blame in different directions. Incendiary comments by politicians and even specific politicians are being blamed. We are missing the big picture here. The young man who committed this act had mental issues (by most accounts). As someone who has worked, albeit briefly, in the mental health field I can tell you that, the trigger for these kinds of things is rarely able to be pinpointed exactly. This is a difficult time for the people of Arizona and the families involved. Let's quit pointing blame and come up with a solution that actually makes some sense. As much as I dislike Palin, the Tea Party, the GOP, and wing nuts in general this is not their fault.

I know, you're going to point me to the SarahPAC chart and other "could be", "should be" items out there of interest. I've seen them all.

We talk, every day, about Maggie Gallaghar, Brian Brown and the like. We say that they have come to a conclusion and are looking for evidence to support it when it comes to equal rights for the LGBT community. By the same token, if we come to a conclusion about who to blame and then look for evidence to support that conclusion in this case, we are not solving the problem. We are loosing focus on the problem and therefore, hindering our ability to find a solution.

I may loose friends, readers, followers, or subscribers over this but... This is my opinion on the matter.
Until next time,
I'm out!

My laptop crashed. I will have limited access to social media until tomorrow evening sometime. I will be going through withdrawals!

Testing out ping.fm for cross posting. socialmedia

Segregating the gays from the straights

A friend of mine asked me this today on facebook regarding the recent decisions about Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT).

What is your take on the talk about the whole "thorny issues" coming up since the DADT....like talk of segregating gays from straights in bunks/showers??? WTF? This is going to get way worse before it gets better. How do we stop this?

I quickly shot off an answer:

Wow, deep question. I think it's healthy to have "talks" about how to handle those issues. I try to think about what it would be like if I were straight. I mean, it is one thing to accept, respect and promote equality. It's a whole other thing when you're naked in the showers with one another. Most guys don't want other guys seeing their 'junk' gay or not. I can agree with showers having partitions between the shower heads that only makes sense, even now. But sleeping quarters? not needed. You don't sleep naked or anything.

 The truth is, before I was asked, I really hadn't given it much thought. I always assume that people are going to argue their point, express what they believe and so on. Why not? This is America, this is what our soldiers fight for, right?

So, do these discussions really matter?

Of course they do. It's a given that a lot of dumb things will be said here and there out of ignorance, fear or political agenda. We need to hear it. We need to know what they are saying and thinking so that we can fully arm ourselves against these sorts of blanket allegations.

Yes, they are slandering our community. They are making it sound like all that we do is look at the straight ones in the shower and maybe we'd rape them and all of that craziness. Because, as we all know, there aren't any gay folks in the military right now!

Do we need to shut these people up? No, not really. Not at all. Engage them in conversation, explain things on their level.

Here's my take on the whole thing.

How can you segregate gays in a way that makes sense? The reason, presumably, that men and women are segregated in the military is that they don't want to put people in the same area as potential 'mates'. So, if we put only gays with one another and only lesbians with one another what then do you think is supposed to happen? Now, as a man, I would be in a whole barracks full of other gay men. These would be, for the sake of this argument, my potential mates.

I haven't even yet skirted on what is the true heart of the matter. When I was in the Army, my unit and I formed a bond. We worked together daily as a unit, as a family. Our bond was like a sibling-hood.

I remember once having a friend in the unit (married straight guy) approach me wanting some 'friend sex'. I don't know, the whole thing really irked me a bit. I mean, he was handsome and a really nice guy, certainly someone under other circumstances I might have considered dating. But then and there? He was like family to me. To have allowed it to escalate to anything beyond our unit bond would have been deplorable on my part.

So the question is, what will happen when gays are allowed to serve in the military? The answer is simple, everything will remain the same except that our LGBT folks who are serving now will not be kicked out simply because of who they love.

If it will make you feel safe, by all means, put up partitions in the showers (that should have been done a long time ago anyway) but there's really no need at all to segregate us into different barracks. That makes as much sense as saying that a brother and a sister shouldn't live in the same house together.

Well, that's my two cents on the matter, love it or leave it.

Until next time, I'm OUT!

Joe Solmonese - HRC

In the news:

"We are on the brink of historic action to both strengthen our military and respect the service of lesbian and gay troops,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “Today’s announcement paves the path to fulfill the President’s call to end ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ this year and puts us one step closer to removing this stain from the laws of our nation." “Without a repeal vote by Congress this year, the Pentagon’s hands are tied and the armed forces will be forced to continue adhering to the discriminatory ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ law,” said Solmonese. “A solution has emerged: Congress needs to vote to repeal ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ now.”

The only problem with this, Joe, is that they voted now to possibly, maybe repeal it if the military can finish a study within the year and come up with a plan of action for integration.

All the military has to do is fail in completing one or the other.

So again, Obama left his balls along with his backbone at home in his dresser. Congress shit out some patronizing piece of garbage and you opened your mouth up wide and swallowed the whole load!

And these are our GLBT leaders fighting for our rights! If those soldiers you just compromised did their job the way that you do yours, we would have been colonized by the Middle East by now!

I grant you, Joe, you are not all powerful and you can't do it all. But then you release shit like this in support of a compromise? Come on, you're supposed to be OUR mouth piece not theirs.

We are screaming for repeal now, not repeal maybe later if you happen to feel like it. You should be echoing the same!

Equality

I wrote this new song intended to be sort of an anthem for gay rights (well any equality related item actually). I am providing the vid, lyrics and chord progression here.




The chord progression is simple. It's in normal tuning with no capo.

Intro and Chorus: A D G A G A D G A D
Verses: G A D G G A D G
Lyrics:
They say we're a free land. They say we've got it all
A land of opportunity and equality for all

But here we stand, screaming at the top of our lungs
We are not equal until all is for one
Here we stand, screaming til our faces are blue
All we want is everything that we give to you

We are your children, your sisters and your brothers
We are your best friends, your fathers and your mothers

But here we stand, screaming at the top of our lungs
We are not equal until all is for one
Here we stand, screaming til our faces are blue
All we want is everything that we give to you

We are your soldiers, defending your life's way
We are your policemen, protecting all your days

But here we stand, screaming at the top of our lungs
We are not equal until all is for one
Here we stand, screaming til our faces are blue
All we want is everything that we give to you

All we want is everything that we give to you.

I'm Excited!

A short explanation of last week's personal struggle:

So, last weekend I wrote a bit about some emotional stuff I was going through in a post titled Love is Not Enough. There's a little bit more to the story though.

If you've been reading my posts, you know that there's a lot of change in my thought process. I am coming from a mindset of "hey I'm in a relationship and it works and that's all that needs to happen" and moving more to "hey, I'm in a relationship and I love him so much but our relationship is not protected under the law the same way that heterosexual relationships are".

Better put, I am going from inactive to activist!

I had heard about the Harvey Milk Day march & rally in Austin! and wanted to participate. My emotional struggle was really a bit around that. Actually, it was more about my own missunderstanding of Mac's feelings on the subject. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't approve, or participate. Even after 6 years and a few months, I am still learning more about who he is, rather who we are as a couple. It took me working myself up into an emotional ball of goo to figure this one out. What is important to me is important to him (I already knew the reverse of that statement).

So Mac is willing to step outside of his comfort zone and take this walk with me.

We have a lot going on today though. We would like to participate in some of the workshops that are going on throughout the day but, we really can't as we have family to tend to and other things. At least I'm excited about the rally.

A bit of a recap of the week:

The week has been weird for other things.

On Monday while in Dallas, Mac's company car was broken into and his personal laptop and work laptop were stolen out of it. He was parked outside of a sushi place. Obviously upsetting to him but, I joke, I told him not to eat sushi!

His trip continued to MO by plane. Thursday he flew in. I stayed in town to do some Karaoke at the Rusty Spurs as his plane wasn't coming in until 11PM. I found out some more devastating news. I totally suck at Karaoke! If I've never seen the sheet music to it, I just can't do it.

So, time to pick Mac up rolled around. I went to the airport. When I pulled up he says "Did you know that there's a huge dent in the car?" Holy crap! So, the passenger side of the car had been hit. I assume it was the parking lot at work though because, well, that's the only place I was out of the car.

So, we've had all of that going on, it's been crazy.

So, after that crazy week, you can see how I'm excited about today and all that is going to happen.

Well, I might blog a little bit about the happenings tonight. We will see how that goes. I'm not the best at keeping up with everything on here.

Until next time, I'm OUT.

Love is not enough!

Kind of emotional right now:

I'm kind of emotional right now and really having a hard time writing this out so, forgive me if some of this is a little hard to read/follow.

I can't tell what's really going on but my mind is working over time. You see, I started this blog simply to get a chance to tell my story as an exercise for my own sanity. I may have done more damage than good.

I've never really been an activist in any sense of the word. I've supported HRC and other gay geared organizations but that's about it.

I've put on the monkey suite and given a few dollars where I could spare some and just went on about my day. Never really thinking about what was going on outside of my own little world.

There are a lot of reasons for that. The reasons are the same as the reasons why this blog is written under a pen name.

People who know us know that Mac and I go together like Mac and Cheese (thanks Justice for that one, I stole it). We live in the country and love it. We lead very normal lives. Aside from the fact that we are both male, our relationship is the same as any happily married couple.

We have joint bank accounts, credit cards and vehicle titles. We share everything with one another.

So why am I so bothered about anything? Shouldn't love be enough?

No, love is not enough:

We hear all this talk in the gay rights movement about being able to visit your partner in the hospital, being able to adopt and all of that. Those are all nice sentiments.

We have vague arguments about how allowing gay marriage is a stepping stone to allowing multiple marriages. We constantly have to explain to folks that gay does not mean pedophile. We also have to remind people that our parents were straight when they make the weak ass argument about how 2 gay parents will raise gay children.

These are all tiring conversations. And we get trapped into talking about them rather than focusing on the real issues. If marriage was just a title, it wouldn't matter at all, I would just say "Mac and I are married" and that would be that.

The truth is heterosexuals may get married for love. They pay their $25.00 to get their license and then they go to a judge (or minister) and get the whole thing finalized.

In this simple act, they get the title of a married couple. But they get so much more than that.

For those $25.00, those taxes to the federal government for Social Security that we've been paying since we first started working can be paid back to survivors (next of kin) in the event of one's death.

For those $25.00 you can own a home together and pay taxes on that home together.

For those $25.00 should anything happen to your spouse you have all of the rights that go with being next of kin. Sure, hospital visitation is one of them, but there's more!

The truth is, there are over 1,000 protections that those $25.00 gives to married couples that there is absolutely no way (currently) for us to get.

I'm sure I don't even have to tell you the amount of rights that our military married folks receive that those LGBT service members can never have under the current laws.

So what's with the sudden frustration:

Well, it's just started to become a little too overwhelming. When I start seeing what straight folks take for granted. I pay the same taxes that they do but they get to vote on what protections I can and can not have. Meanwhile, we have ministers (who don't pay taxes at all) telling their congregations to vote against gay rights.

I'm frustrated because, people don't even realize that MY tax dollars pay for all of those governmental available protections, yet I can't take advantage of those tax dollars at all.

The government seriously should give me a fucking tax credit for being gay!

I was literally moved to tears

This afternoon:

I tend to think of myself as a fairly level headed kind of guy. I have feelings and passion but, I am rarely (if ever) moved to tears. This afternoon I posted a picture that truly did move me to tears. Even as I type this now I find myself welling up a bit.

The events of the last few months surrounding "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and an all inclusive Employee Non Discrimination Act. Couple these with gay marriage issues. All of these hit home and they hit home hard. I am moved, not by the struggle itself but, by the overwhelming support that I have from friends, family and yes even co-workers.

A co-worker who has no vested interest at all in either of these struggles and a male co-worker at that. How awesome and powerful this world is that we have people like this. Somehow gives me hope in our future.

The picture:

This picture was certainly worth a billion words. I imagined it being a high school function. The power behind what our youth are doing strikes a nerve.

This image speaks to the very heart of the matter. If it weren't for the fact that there is bigotry in our schools, families, churches and in our own government there would be no need for these demonstrations.

The thought moved me so much that I had to write about it. I was not at a computer and doing the research on my iPhone was proving to be a difficult task so, I put out a call to my friends and fans in that post, on twitter and on facebook.

The outpouring of people who rushed to help find the information was absolutely amazing. It spoke to the fact that I was not the only one moved by this photo. Jay (http://www.jaysays.com/) also took on the search. His followers helped to find out where it really came from. And so the information trickled back to me.

And now I know where it really came from.

On April 16, 2010 at World's Fair Park in Knoxville, TN these K-12 students gathered for an annual event called "Breaking the Silence". The earliest post of this picture (with comments) is located on flicker at http://www.flickr.com/photos/75001512@N00/4550427537

There is hope for us yet!

until next time, I'm OUT!

A picture is worth a thousand words

The Gay Struggle:

A co-worker of mine forwarded this picture to me. It was not attached to a story. I wish I knew the background of this photo.


If you know, please let me know!


The reason I felt the need to share this with you all is a simple one.


From 1 single act, the act of announcing to the world who we are, we end one struggle only to begin another.

We struggle, at first with who we are as individuals. We struggle with what the world thinks of us. We struggle with what God might think of us. We struggle with friends trying to set us up on dates with people that we know we will never have an interest in. We struggle to find a definition of what we are.

We try to rationalize and justify thinking to ourselves, "maybe this thing that I have is just a phase".

It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself.

At least for me, these are the feelings that I had before I came out. I wondered what my family and friends would think. I wondered if it really mattered if I hid it all or not.

Once we come out (once I came out), I found a lot of support with my real friends and with my family. Some of us are not so lucky.

I have friends who's families completely disowned them. Their fathers deny their existence, their mothers call to lecture them, to shame them, to guilt them.

As a group, we go through a lot. It's difficult to tune it all out. From the pulpit of the church, the soap box of the media and the lack of protection of/from our government.

We are treated as lesser beings. We are protested and picketed against and our government sits up on a mountain top denying us access to some of the most basic rights and protections.

You want to server in the Army? You want to donate blood? You want to marry your partner? You want domestic partner benefits? You want to give a child who is living in an orphinage a home? Denied, denied, denied, denied and denied!

The time has come for everyone to be treated as equals. We constantly call ourselves an equal nation. If even 1 person/group is treated with a different set of standards, how can we ever truly be equal?

Do you believe in God?

Back Story:

I get asked the question about Christianity quite a bit. As with everything I've written to date, there's a back story.

From age 0 - 7 I was dragged to church (kicking and screaming) by my grandmother. My mom and dad weren't church goers. So, when we moved a little further from my grandparents, I never had to go to church.

By age 8, I had found a decent church within walking distance and would go every Sunday (on my own). I really enjoyed reading the Bible. Over the years I've read it cover to cover probably 6 or 7 times.

I even thought, for a short time, that I might go into the ministry.

I began to realize that I found contradiction between what came out of the mouths of those behind the pulpit and what was actually written in black and white. And when things didn't quite add up, the minister would turn to the original text and try interpreting from there.

The only problem with that is, I could barely trust their interpretation of the English version, how could I trust their interpretation of a completely different language?

My job in the Army actually was a Chaplain's Assistant. While the cool part of my job was that, I learned all of the skills of a body guard (since Chaplains themselves could not carry weapons), the peace time part of my job was as a provider for the multitude of religions represented within my unit.

I gained a lot of perspective about different people, how they worship and how they differ in what they believe (even within the same subset of religion).

It always amazed me how different people can read the same thing and come out with a completely different understanding than one another.

Differing opinions:

I've talked a little bit about Mac and how I feel that we are perfect for one another. We have a very strong bond emotionally. It actually allows us to have differing opinions and beliefs but still function.

As an instance, he goes to church every Sunday. Though I used to go with him, I stopped after a while because, I felt I was living a lie. I could tell that it bothered him a little bit that I was no longer willing to share in that experience with him. I think he took it personally at first.

It took me a while before I was really ready to explain it to him in a way that made sense but didn't sound belittling. After all, I admire that he has faith in God. I simply don't. All of those years when I went to church it was an attempt to find something to believe in. It took me to the age of 28 to really figure out that I was never going to have the one requirement of any religion, blind faith.

Do I believe that there's a God (or possibly even Gods)? Not exactly. I fall more under the belief that it's possible that there is a God but, (if there is a God) no human will ever scratch the surface of understanding the divine and to attempt to is pure futility.

We don't need to understand it to live or to die. There is nothing that we can say or do today that will 100% guaranty that there is an after life, let alone that can ensure us a peaceful one in any interpretation of Heaven. We are all simply too human to have any control over that.

I'm a hypocrite:

If I'm going to be transparent to all of you, I need to make this clear and hope that you can forgive me for this. From time to time, when I debate anything religious in nature, I will take it from the view point of someone who is religious.

In general, the majority of my friends don't know for sure what I believe. Some assume me to be atheist and some assume me to be Christian. The reason for this is simply because, when I debate physical and social issues, I do so using the language of the person I am debating. I tend to find for the most part, those who differ with my thoughts in this area tend to be very religious. So I speak on that level.

I've also been known to take a stance on something simply because it is the opposite stance as someone who brought the issue up, even if I actually happen to agree with them. I do this when I feel the need for a creative discussion that stimulates thought or when I feel like I need to know why they have that thought.

Closing:

If you are not more confused now than you were when you began reading this, you probably read it wrong. So I'll sum it all up and wrap it in a pretty gay bow. I struggle daily with what I believe as far as God goes. The reason I struggle is more to do with my belief in the flaws of man. There are days that I believe we were created by some sort of higher power and days when I think, "well how did that higher power come into existence?". One thing I do believe for sure is, there is no right religion currently practiced by man. I envy those who have found solid faith in their higher power but, I doubt I ever will.

God, if you're reading this, do you need a software engineer? Because, when I die, I'm going to need a job.

Until next time, I'm way OUT!

Heroes for our Heroes

In a far off land, they fight for us,
to protect our right to be.
They asked no questions, offered no objection,
they all went willingly.
Long hard years they've fought for us
and continue still today
To keep terror from our children's hearts
and defend our country's way
They are our brothers, they are our sisters
fighting for our freedoms every day
They are our children, mothers and fathers
and such an awful price some pay
They are our heroes, they are our champions
our soldiers who defend
And we will be their heroes and champions
we stand and fight for them
Some will question why they are there
some march, and some protest
But these are the freedoms, you must admit
our heroes are there to protect.

Introductions are in order

What's in a name:

So, I've been wanting to write about my current relationship a little bit more. I mean, I write songs about it right? One of the things that have kept me back from that is the name issue. He has a fairly unique name as well, and it's easy for people to connect the two of us together. I am more vocally "OUT" than he is. A lot of why I hide behind Edward Davis, instead of my real name, is for his sake.

I find it hard to write about us without writing about him, and hard to write about him without giving him a name. Sure, there's the pet names. Baby, pumpkin, hottie blah. There isn't one descriptor that could do him justice (sappy, but true). I thought of calling him Squishy but, that's a little too 'cute'.

Introducing my love:

So, the other day I asked him what I should call him if I were to write about him. And the name he has chosen for himself? Mac Ray, after someone who was very close to both of us (his dad).

And so, with that out of the way, the future is wide open for me to write all that I want about every part of me. And since Mac is a huge part of me, you can bet that there will be quite a bit of writing about that as well.

When I get home this evening, I will update this post with a picture of the two of us!

If you haven't yet, you might want to read the interesting events of how we met. I will write a more exhaustive account of that actual day in a future post as well!

I'm OUT!

We are all just stupid lemmings

That's what THEY think:

I write today's blog out of a bit of, what's the word? Frustration, maybe? No, more out of passion! You see, I believe what I believe. I believe, like many of you, in equal rights. I also believe in transparency and intellectual honesty!

I believe that politicians lie, cheat and steal because we let them. I refuse to be lied to, cheated on or stolen from by political agendists.

For that reason, I write today's blog to clear something up that was sent to me in the mail. But first, you will need a little bit of back story.

Queer the CENSUS:

In late March and early April, I was sent to a website which provided (for free) a pink sticker with check boxes on it for stating your sexual orientation. The premise here was that you were supposed to check the box that applied to you and stick the sticker on your CENSUS when you sent it in.

I believe in being counted. I felt that, if we were counted the government would understand that we are here and we are being ignored and in some cases, discriminated against by their policies and laws.

So, I went to the website and filled out the form to get my pink sticker. After filling in my information, I noticed that I was taken to an organization called "Credo". This is sort of normal for the net so I thought nothing of it.

Here we are in May and I have not received my sticker. OK, maybe it got lost in the mail, who knows. It's been known to happen!

But what didn't get lost in the mail?

The Lie:

An advertisement for Credo mobile (a service that sells sprint).

Their gimmick was to play at my belief system, telling me that AT&T donates money to Right Wing politicians.

Support right-wing politicians? AT&T has you covered. Donations by AT&T of $20,000 or more to right-wing politicians:

OK, this isn't a lie exactly. It is true that AT&T gave over $20,000 to republican politicians. The problem is that AT&T like almost every other major donating corporation, plays both sides of the isle. I have looked for the figures on this but can not exactly find the direct amount of money however, 38 percent of all of AT&T donations went to democratic politicians.

Conclusion:

I can't even muster up the words to describe what I am feeling about these people right now. Here is an organization that is supposed to be about selling phones, but here they are getting into politics, trying to play at my sexual orientation in order to get me to buy their stuff.

I do support companies that support the gay community in general, as many of us do, but this tactic of half truths does us harm, especially when the facts are so scewed. Pointing a finger at another corporation in order to attempt to steal their business. Credo Mobile sounds like a politician to me!

OK, I have effectively vented!

Until next time, I'm OUT!

Life is Random

Secure Online Database Software for Nonprofits

Completely Random:

Seriously, as much I think I plan for everything, pretty much randomness ensues. I wonder sometimes how it has been this way but still turned out so well. I am fairly calculating in my actions. I weigh the pros and cons of any drastic action that I feel I need to take, and decide from there. But still, randomness!

The funny thing is, it always seems to work out to my advantage. Don't get me wrong here you've been reading my blog, you know that I've gone through some stuff but, ultimately, everything seems to work itself out. Well, maybe it's more that I find a way to make it work out, the jury is still out on that.

Case and Point:

I am changing the names here, except that Chris's name is actually Chris, the rest of these are too easy to google who they are and I really don't want to invade their privacy, so they all get fake names :-)

After Chris broke up with me (back at FT Hood), I met someone new (Ramon) and we started dating. He happened to be the chief of police of a random small town around Hood.

Ramon lived in Austin officially but kept an apartment near by during the week. He also happened to be an ordained priest of a branch off of Catholicism that is gay affirming.

Through Ramon, I met Drew, an ex priest of the Roman Catholic faith turned realtor. I met Drew only two or three times during the 2 years that Ramon and I were together.

I moved to Austin with Ramon when I got out of the Army. About 6 months after Ramon broke up with me, I started dating a guy named Daryl.

I saw an ad online for a freelance web developer spot. I knew how to build web sites, so I posted for the position.

It just so happened that Drew was the one hiring for it.

Though I didn't know it before this, Daryl was friends with Drew.

When Daryl broke up with me (after 4 years), I broke off contact with most of my gay friends, well, most of my friends in general. I just needed to sit back and rethink my circle of friends.

I still worked for Drew who, if you haven't guessed by now is also gay. Randomly one night, he said "hey, let's all go to Hooters for wings". As a joke we decided it would be fun to go.

I don't know if he knew it or not, but it happened to be the night of Gorilla Queer Bar (GQB) and the chosen destination that night was Hooters. Kind of random hey?

And so the next chapter in my life begins. Hooters is where I met my current partner.

This random chain of events filled with horrible break ups that all left me devastated and in some cases homeless and sleeping on the couches of friends, the horrible treatment from the Army, the bouncing from job to job put me on the path to meet my now and forever love.

If it weren't for all of these absolutely random events in my life, meeting these random people and riding the wave out, there is no possible way that I would ever have been in the place that I am now.

Completely happy. Completely in love. Completely me.

Kind of gives new meaning to the the Rascal Flatts song "God blessed the broken road, that lead me straight to you".

Ah, life! Gotta Love it!

Until next time, I'm still OUT!